don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
