let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
