I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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