he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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