the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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