# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
