maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
