If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
