yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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