i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina