Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.