porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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