youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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