she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
