k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
