but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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