I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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