My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
