Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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