Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
