Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
