I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize