oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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