maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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