Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
