your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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