My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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