i think i have two assholes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
