Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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