she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
how do flat chested girls get laid?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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