How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Acid is not a monday night drug
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can you bring me the toilet please
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
