Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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