how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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