I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
