Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw a hot homeless man
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize