in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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