i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
