A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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