Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
