just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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