The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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