you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
