She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
