hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
