So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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