You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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