Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
