i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
