Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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