Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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