My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
