i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
