come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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