I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
they need to just BURY HIM!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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