Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.