I think im going to throw up on grandma
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.