Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize