you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?