Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
